(this is a heavily summarised version of the actual conversations and upon reflection is absolutely not a healthy way to handle a relationship breakdown – I’m not proud of some of the things I have done here and apologies to all concerned for my obsessive actions and behaviour but my head is fucked up at the moment and I need to document this shit before my memory fades)
At 8am I walked to my house to collect my car, before our scheduled 11am appointment – Simone had left it out for me at least. She messaged me to say that I was free do do whatever I needed to at the house. To come and go as I please (I have that in writing). Awesome.
Head stuffed with marshmallow and my perception compromised, the first thing I did was back the car out along our long narrow driveway, scaling the side of the car along the steel fenceposts with a shrill metallic scream, peeling layers of paint and plastic off as I fiddled with the side mirrors – seemingly had forgotten how they worked.
Great start to the day. Better get a coffee and not have a car accident.
Drove back to Kates for a brief chat – she was home and going to accompany me to the house for our meeting as a third party to intervene if things got out of hand. We chatted briefly, her relating Simone and her conversation a few weeks back when it first happened. Adamant that she wasn’t seeing anyone else and that she just wasnt happy in our relationship and wanted out, Simone had convinced our mutual friend that this was a truth. Sure how she ended it was massively shitty but at the end of the day she was happy with her decision.
So off I went, 11am, a draft House Sale agreement in hand and some speaking notes, a firm intention to not stray into “why’s and who’s” but stay focussed on selling the house.
The brick of anxiety had turned into a vice crushing my chest and squeezing my heart.
Walking up to my own door and knocking was weird, Simone let me im and stepped back. Apprehensive and uncertain of me, she was cautious and measured as she invited me in and offered a cup of tea. I sat at our breakfast bench on the metal stools I found on Trademe.
We talked, every word from her careful and considered, but eventually we came to a vague agreement on selling the house. More work to follow but we were vaguely aligned. The conversation naturally turned to the “why’s”.
Why dump me over a fucking video call 4000km away when I had no chance of getting home? Why blow up our life in a house that ticked all your boxes and we’d only been in just over a year? What have I done wrong? What is going on? Why, why, why?
It boiled down to many things apparently : many if which were that it wasnt working for her any more.
“I’m seeing a counsellor to address my issues and find out why I keep doing the same thing in relationships…” ; “its the age gap (admittedly this a good point Ill conceed – theres 18 years between us), I want to be active when I’m 50 like my Mum but when im 50 you’ll be…old.”
That one stung but hey, a legitimate reason finally. I can accept that. It’s hard to hear but fair (and also not like she didn’t realise that 4 years ago when we first started a relationship).
Ok…so the age gap then. No infidelity, she’s not seeing anyone sees (she swore). She just had a good hard look at our future together and saw none. She wanted out and had made up her mind. This was it. We were done.
OK.
Breathing a huge sigh of relief (after all I knew now) I suggested lunch ( shes type 1 diabetic and it was lunchtime) – down to Makan, our favourite Malaysian cafe down in the city and for a brief glorious half hour we were normal. Chatting and laughing, catching up and berating each other for perceived shortfalls in our now over relationship. It was nice. It was familiar. It was us.
It was also a massive mistake.
I reattached instantly. She saw that happening and began to pull away.
The devastation kicked in again like it had on Day 1, and I dropped her home with an appointment for Chat number 2 – where she would look over the points of my proposed agreement and counter with points of her own in two days time.
That day seems to take forever to arrive. All this time I wasnt sleeping. Couldnt eat. The very thought of losing her making me burst into sobs of grief.
Finally it came around.
Chat 2:
Wednesday arrived and I turned up at the house for our scheduled chat. Simone was a different person this time – mildly aggressive, coarse, cold and dismissive. I barely recognised her, it was a different personality.
What the fuck is going on! Who is this person!
She presented her list of proposed changes (including stiffing me $6 grand) and wanting to stay in the house until October, possible even til March the next year (all with me faithfully footing half the mortgage for a house I cant live in). I baulked at first but eventually after she turned on the sob story and tears I caved – agreed in principal (but not in writing). She seemed satisfied and once again we delved into the “why’s”.
So I’d made all this “other person” thing up in my head havent I” – yes she said.
So this address you’ve been staying overnight in Emerald Place really is your girlfriend Ashleys yes?” – yes she said.
What number is it again? – “Im not going to tell you my friends address. I can t remember anyway” she said.
I’m so sorry, I’ve just been crazy for the past two weeks trying to figure this out. “Thats understandable” she said.
Erm, so tell me who’s in the tramping group you told Kate you’ve been going away with for the past few weeks? “
Mildly surprised, she paused just a beat to long before carefully answering “Oh, just work friends” she said.
Why did you tell me you were going alone? “oh there are some guys in the group and I didnt want you to freak out” she said.
What guys? “Just… work friends“ .
OK, I said. (idiot)
We talked about the counselling she was getting and she wasn’t certain if she would go to the second session. We talked, we cried, we scheduled Chat 3 where we would sign the Agreement.
I left after an hour or two when she started checking her watch and disengaged from the conversation.
I left feeling even more empty and the loneliness inside me slithered and blinked awake, slowly uncoiling again and ready to strike.
Chat 3.
Her son Theo was back from his Dads part of school Holiday so he was home when Chat 3 happened.
We talked briefly about the points and I said that I wasnt happy losing $6k. This pissed her off but I said I’d think about it. Still civil but I could sense that I was being managed : handled. Put up with. It was getting more and more obvious to me that something was very very wrong here but I went with it to see what happened.
I hadn’t see Theo for 8 weeks now (id been a role model to him for 4 years and it’d had been a hard slog) so he came down and started telling me about his awesome trip to the bike park with Mum. He’s been going over jumps and stuff ad was super excited. Simone was showing me some videos of him and I asked him “Hey bud, did you stack it, fall off?”
“No I didnt, but Mum did” he said, showing me proudly the bruises and chain marks on his pale little legs…” Mum almost fell off her bike when. she rode up to Theo and David…”
He froze. Glanced at his Mum with the single weirdest look that I’d ever seen pass between them. Simone had her back to me but Theo looked mildly horrified.
A beat.
Then another. No-one spoke.
I asked “so who’s Theo and David?”
Nothing. They completely ignored me and after a few beats Theo went upstairs. I went up just after Simone to say goodnight and found them in a quiet intense conversation that stopped as soon as I got to the door. They both looked at me and for the first time I saw two strangers.
Feeling blindsided and confused I left. What the actual fuck was going on here.?
The scent of Bullshit was strong nad went into investigation mode again over the next few days.
Shared Bank accounts. Security system pings. New social media friends. Old security camera footage. I went back through it all with a critical eye.
I clocked the house at 6 and 8 Emerald Lane Cashmere, I clocked the cars parked in the driveway, their number plates and type and did some light surveillance over the next few days. It paid off. Driving back down the road the next day I passed the dark Subaru on an intersection and for a brief moment met the gaze of the driver. A skinny rat faced man in a hoodie. He looked right at me and for a moment registered shock. I had his face now, and it was familiar. Man in Subaru @ number 8.
Gotcha.
Chat 4. Theo.
I turned up at the house the. Simone wasn’t there and I was moving more of my stuff into storage. Since her car wasnt there, I rolled straight in and was surprised to see that Theo was home alone.
Should I have left? Probably. I didnt pass the sniff test behaviour wise but I needed answers, Did I leave? no.
I went upstairs and announced myself. Went up to the office where he was playing computer games and asked if he wanted to talk about what was happening with Mum and me. He said “yeah” and that he was sad. I wanted this poor kid to know that none of this was his fault and that sometimes adults do dumb things to hurt each other. We talked for a little bit and it was nice to reconnect. School, athletics, gaming…
I also asked about David and Theo. Surprisingly this Theo opened up : “yeah David is Mums work friend. Theo is his son. They met at Christmas but I only got to meet him two weeks ago (roughly the same time I got dumped)?
Shit.
“Is he your mums new boyfriend?” Dunno, he shrugged.
Shit.
Ok mate, I gotta go. make sure you tell your mum I was here and that I asked you questions ok? I dont want you to get into trouble. “Ok he said.
I left. literally 5 minutes later I got an angry call from Simone- “why did you question my son!” Easy answer : I wanted to make sure he was ok and you weren’t here. “Not cool” she said. What, like dumping me via video call in while Antarctica? I countered. She didn’t buy it for a second, her voice heavily laced with suspicion and hung up abruptly after an intense conversation.
Head spinning and my reality realigning to what was fast becoming the truth. There was someone else, it had been happening since BEFORE I’D EVEN LEFT and that I’d been lied to and manipulated from Day 1.
It wasn’t all in my head. All the red flags that I was sensing were on the money. My focus shifted and zoomed in. She was lying to everyone. Gaslighting at every turn. Playing nice but definitely playing me.
I was right.
FUCK ME!
Man Down! 