More bloody ghosts!

Let’s change pace again – no pics or pith…just words before I forget them.

There’s something about Thailand that mashes up my subconscious like a banana in a blender.

My sweet Thai dreams last night were again haunted by weirdness and spirits from the past.

It wasn’t a bad thing, and the haunting this time was not in a clanky chain “lock you in the house” or “muddy footprint πŸ‘£ at the bedroom door”scary kinda way – more in a “ooo look I found a secret place” kinda way.

No cryptic messages or foreboding of any form.

Hmm in retrospect I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing to have routine visitations. It always seems to happen here.

What the Hell is going on in this brain of mine lately?

So anyway – it went something like this : I was talking to a unknown guy in a house I was renting (I think) and we were talking/arguing about rent or cleaning or something stupid like that; I saw someone I knew just walk on by – a former housemate – and I was trying to talk to her. She didn’t answer, but just walked on quickly, turning around the corner of the house.

A little annoyed, I followed and turned left onto a long misty pathway lined with tall green trees and covered in vines – all backlit theatrically with a shimmery golden light- and then boom! there they all were! A long scattered line of figures stretched out the path before me, all just hanging about, chatting to each other and doing their own thing.

Then I realised they were mostly people I knew that had passed away.

My Mom was there! She was the first one I saw, just standing on the corner in her hospital gown. She looked right at me but didn’t seem to see me, busy talking to someone else. It was Mom of 20 years ago, before the dementia and strokes robbed her of movement, expression and speech.

So I kept walking, super curious now but strangely not surprised to see her.

Behind Mom, there was an old childhood crush of mine (who is still alive Thank God) – I called out her name and rushed over to hug her close – weird but even as I write this I can still feel her on my fingertips; it’s so weird – a lingering sense of the small bones of her spine and toned back muscles from where my hands touched her.

She didn’t speak but just hugged me back.

I let go and kept on walking.

Further along that weirdly lit road were other people from my past – aunts and uncles, friends and long dead distant relatives, some barely remembered from childhood. All dead and gone now but most I hadn’t thought about for a long long time.

Curiouser and curiouser! (thanks Alice). I simply walked past them all, down along the pathway, acknowledged their existence but still none of them seemed to see me.

There were strangers there as well but they were background players – all blurred edges and gossamer-like, in a perpetual soft focus a bit like the aliens at the end of Close Encounters.

I kept walking slowly down that golden gravel path into what could have been a perfect Bali sunset.

No it wasn’t like a movie or in slomo or all dramatic and shit. It just was.

I just walked as far as I felt I could but didn’t see anyone else I knew.

Then I simply woke up – instantly and with a silent WTF and the tingling sensory echo of that hug on my fingertips.

I am now quickly tapping this out before I forget the finer detail that I’m already losing so I’ll pretty it up later.

Let me head off some questions.

No Dad wasn’t there, which made me sad in the dream.

How did I feel? Confused, then happy, then elated (esp when I saw B)

What did they say? Nothing to me, at least – they we’re all engaged with each other.

How did I feel on waking?

Happysad.

It’s the lingering feeling on my fingertips that has me puzzled. Did this actually happen?

Did I travel backwards or forwards in time, space , whatever? Did I die a little? Was it the future?

I love a good crazyarse unexplained dream!

Anyhoo pull that apart, dream therapists and psych buds!

Weirded me out a bit I gotta say.

Later.

πŸ™‚

*SPOOKY UPDATE :

So I fly out of KL for Sydney late at 11.40pm, window seat, surrounded by massive purpling storm clouds snarling with angry lightning teeth, and the start of a monsoonal rainstorm hammering on the outside glass of my tiny window.

The packed jet takes forever to taxi out to the runway…waiting waiting waiting. It seems we are driving to Sydney, not flying.

The serious guy in front of me is shifty : I get a bad vibe from him and he is constantly looking around, avoiding the stewards, signalling other passengers, changing seats, and just doing things…wrong.

Upsetting the carefully scripted protocols of normal airline travel.

Rules are rules.

It puts me on edge and I watch him carefully.

Finally we reach the end of the taxiway, the jet turns onto the brightly lit strip, a long unending row of gently strobing runway lights stretching out into infinity.

As we turn the angle of the lights change, and with the smears of oil and rain on the window blurring reality, the whole runway shifts like a kaleidoscope; spins and settles then finally transforms into a sparkling golden pathway of diffused light.

I get a very bad feeling about this – hits me instantly in the pit of my stomach with a sharp stab of recognition.

This could be my dream!

Shit. That ain’t good.

The captain guns the engines. With a jolt we’re away fast and picking up speed. I’m smashed back into my seat with that glorious acceleration but my eyes are flicking from the runway lights to the guy in the seat ahead and back.

Glad I wore the brown pants today.

Deep breath.

Get ready for anything.

Here we go…

*it was all ok in the end. The shifty guy was just a nervous flyer, just too much caffeine for me and we easily avoided the storms. Got home fine although I was on edge all the way.

**really should’nt have had that last coffee before leaving Chiang Mai.

***see couldn’t help myself – had to turn it into a story πŸ™‚

**** my Aunty G passed away quite suddenly yesterday – Thursday, the day after this dream – and I can’t help wonder a little more now about the meaning.

…cages

So, how ’bout this ‘freedom’ thing that all the cool kids are talking about lately – WTF is that about?

<warning – this is a bit random and ranty as I’m having a day – continue at own risk>

Freedom to travel, do, see, taste what you please when you want to without any real consequence or interference from anyone (well a minimumΒ of interference anyway – gotta keep it legal, kids).

Immersing yourself in this freedom is so totally addictive that once you get a taste, you’re basically fucked for normal life (whatever that is).

While only dipping my toes in it for the past few years; gaining some confidence in the safe, yellow-streaked, floating Disney-bandaid end of the kiddies pool –Β  the recent experience in Antarctica has really thrown me howling off the highboard into the freezing alien blue-black depths of the grown-up area.

So electrifying to move outside of what is considered normal.

When you consciously remove yourself from the polite but suffocating grip of ‘society’, an awareness develops of the boundaries of the cage society itself has become.

It’s just a control mechanism after all.

Making a choice to chew through the cage bars and squeeze out into a really realΒ world: experience this in all of its fleshy, sweaty, squelchy and uncomfortable forms is what revitalises the flagging spirit, jolts the compromised soul back to life.

So terrifying to move outside of what is considered safe.

Is this really being free?

Having virtually endless choice and relative freedom of action can be daunting.

It’s not all rainbows and unicorns.

So the cage door opens, the once wild animal inside fears to come out at first; unaccustomed to this new experience of choice it keeps diving back into the safe dark corners of the cage.

It could be happy there forever if it doesn’t know of any other existence.

This happens time and time again.

Until it doesn’t, or the animal remembers.

Free.

Of the first cage, at least, and once you are out you will never willingly go back in.

Leading a life limited by an external agent isn’t really freedom anyway.

These cows aren’t free, just in a larger cage than most.

Their cage of choice is survival driven : food, water and a safe place.

Are they happy?

Probably, at least as as happy as cows can be, but free? No I don’t think so, they probably don’t care as long as their basic physical needs are met.

Humans want all this and so much more more. Food, water, a home, safety, a loving partner, a family – a purpose. We also dare demand to be happy.

So what about an internal cage, or an emotional cage?

How do we escape from something of our own creation? (Created either consciously or unconsciously).

No idea!

I’m not a cow, obviously, so I can only speak for me : my cage of choice is an emotional mind.

It has many warm, safe and secure hiding places but it’s really a trap: like a black hole exerting enormous emotional gravity it drags you inside and keeps you there – it takes enormous efforts to escape.

Exhausting.

So much easier to go with the flow – dive back in, cut yourself off, internalise everything. So warm and safe and familiar.

Mmm cosy…

It’s hard to escape from yourself sometimes and stay outside in the world.

Blah blah blah blah blah …

OK that sounds a little (totally) wanky/crazy (I really shouldn’t reread this stuff) but things like this have been on my mind lately and I’ve talked about this before for sure.

Choice is hard. Adulting is hard. Freedom is hard.

Meh. Again I know I’m fortunate blah blah blah and it’s the current price I’m paying for my life choices.

Choice! Talk about spoilt!

Too many paths I can take, too many roads to travel. How to know which one is right long term or even right for now?

This current paralysis that comes with next level freedom halted my forward motion recently and has caused a massive stumble and a lot of self doubt.

It’s kinda still happening at the moment: presented by many forks in the road I’m lost, the maps in Chinese and my damn iPhone battery is dead.

I’m quite confused.

How do you make a decision on where to aim your life’s arrow when it’s a target rich environment and your aim is bouncing all over the freaking place.

Book that flight? This month or next month? Move to a new country? Move to a new state? Take that job? Don’t take that job? Buy a car? Buy a motorcycle? Where will I live? Stay or go? Call her or not?

Bounce.

Reality check: Watching the finite resource of my bank balance dwindle steadily is sobering and drags me back to the present.

Then safe Jamie returns – ‘hmmm better nail down that spending some more. No more travel. No diving. Cheapest options. Take any job they offer you. Eat cheap. Don’t rock the boat. Go back to Dubbo. Suck it up. Get back to work’

Shut up, safe Jamie.

Bounce.

Two new job opportunities – once back in the familiar cage, one just outside but not far.

One on the horizon but months away.

Bounce.

Can’t someone just tell me what the ‘right’ thing to do is please?

Maybe it’s just the sleepless nights lately or the excessive caffeine intake stressing me out a bit. A couple of challenging days just gone for sure.

Maybe its being challenged on my lifestyle choices by my daughters mother last night – she only ever contacts me when she wants money or just to remind me how useless a father I am or just to unload a hateful text rant about <insert anything about my life>.

I’ve blocked her so many times before but she manages to find open channels to make me feel like a piece of shit. It gets her off I think.

She’s a bit of a cunty person like that.

Anyway.

Hi Renee… πŸ˜‰

<wow breaking new ground here blog wise – the ‘c’ word and slagging the ex – feel free to unfollow me>

Lately though it’s doubts and thoughts and questions like “Holy WTF !!!!Β  What am I doing? Who have I become? Where’s the middle management career public servant/overplanner who had a plan A, B and C. and a solid course plotted for the future.

Sorry – he can’t come to the phone right now.Β  Please leave a message.

I kinda miss that guy sometimes, even though it was just an illusion of control (which was ultimately holding me back) it was still a warm comforting illusion.

Another cage to escape from.

The core of the frustration that I just realised I’m venting today is that I don’t like having to rely on other people and right now, I kinda have to.

Independence is all great and that,Β  but it can become a barrier to growth as well – learning to open up and let people in is a necessity both in a practical and an emotional sense- this very thing has just cost me another relationship I think.

A cage of indΓ©pendance but locking people OUT rather than me in.

Man, too much of a stretch – I’m digging my way out of this rabbit hole now!!

Anyway, shaking off some of this paralysis, today Ive booked a flight home’ (wherever the fuck that is now), booked my Cabling Endosements (look Ma, I’m a Licensed Data Cabler now) 4 days course in Melbourne for early June, let the AAD know when I’m available for Medical And Psych testing (yep still shortlisted), got my dental work done (clean bill of health and no real work to be done), and just had a nice breakfast at The Larder – waaay too much coffee.

I’ll come back to this later after a calming walk and a think….maybe edit this mess and make this less freaking weird.

Too many random thoughts at the moment.

too many coffees :/

* as it turns out, a 2 hour motorcycle ride up into the mountains was all I needed to clear the head.

** I think I will buy another motorbike when I get back to Australia.

*** apparently here’s a best selling book out – “the fine art of not giving a fuck” that pretty much spells out in print all the hard lessons I’ve learnt. Great πŸ‘ this guy has read my mind but it would have saved me a lot of time and pain if it had come out years ago.

Here’s the thing…

…creatively, I can only seem to function in crisis mode.

When things are going along nicely, my little dark wordy well of hopelessness and despair runs dry, along with any desire to write or create or share.

‘Thank Fuck! – keep your whiny bullshit to yourself’, you cry.

Fear not and rest assured, Dear Reader, that as soon as I attempt to engage anyone socially, some amusing shit will happen and the well shall fill again. And you’re gonna read about it.

*I also swear a lot when I’m annoyed – personality flaw #34

You are welcome.

1a7

No.

Lately my brain is bursting with ‘whys’, ‘wheres’, and ‘wtf’s’ and I gotta get this shit outta my head and be done with it.

Writing does exactly that for me and by casting out these thoughts into the ether I can hopefully let them go.

No surprises for guessing why the restless mind though (if you really think about it for a second and have been following my path)

Yes, of course its woman related. It always seems to circle back to that.

This time it goes a little something like this…

I’ve been back from Antarctica for about 8 weeks now – the first few weeks were spent readjusting to a very real and soberingly regional Dubbo world, and then quickly and solidly reinserting a social filter before I got murdered by some irate ‘norm’ (whilst simultaneously removing my head from my ass).

Somehow, in this brief 8 week period of WTF I found, jumped into and subsequently blew an unexpectedly brilliant opportunity with an extremely good woman.

It started with an almost accidental date to see a film ( say ‘almost accidental’ as I didn’t expect her to say yes – but I still asked)

… cmon!!!! it’s a perfect first-date flick and you know it.

She loved it, I loved it, I walked her to her car, we small talked while she fished out her keys, we kissed, then kissed again, said good night, she turned and tried to get into the wrong car (that looked the same as her own that was actually parked a few spaces back)… totally perfect first date meet cute πŸ‘ŒπŸ».

Such a beautiful place to start and it just evolved organically from there.

It was going so well until it wasn’t.

I’m not quite sure why (and even if) it’s tanked just yet and that’s really the crux of it.

A ‘fail’ on this one is just doing my head in as on paper, we’re a great match.

It’s not so much that I tanked it (**yet to be proven**), but I really don’t even know what I did.

This is a common theme apparently.

I was just being myself and I guess thats either not enough or too much for some people.

*I also talk a lot of shit when I’m nervous or invested and my particular sense of humour isn’t for everyone.

**Yeah that was probably it. The nervy verbal diarrhoea.

***nah can’t be my sense of humour – I’m hilarious!!!

In any case she’s just stopped communicating now, after a 5 day long weekend together in Melbourne that we were both super excited about (and which was admittedly quite a lot to bite off for both of us – shes just out of a 2 year relationship and I’m just 2 years past the whole Jen episode).

But we wanted to get to know each other so went for it.

*Feel free to chime in – wtf women? what is the deal here. 3 days of fairly normal, then bit of a teary episode , and 2 days of hiding away in a impenetrable bubble of indifference. I’m totally confused.

We don’t live in the same city which makes things a little tricky also.

Look I’m not even sure if its over – (although i guess if she reads this then its possibly ‘job done’)Β  – there’s just no momentum now or communication at all from her compared to the previously daily chats and hour long phone calls.

Now there are brief responses, one word answers, and a callus cordiality.

Hey I get it, you know, shes not into me now and I can dig it but it’s the radical change of pace and policy without so much as a “Hey soz I’m outta here’ that is puzzling πŸ€” .

Nothing I can do about it now anyway. Dont want to be ‘that guy’ – the one that can’t take a hint.

News flash ladies – just tell me, don’t hint. I don’t do hints.

Aaaaaaaargh. So annoying.

Anyway…fuck it, I guess.

So I’m in Thailand again now (Chiang Mai – yes ran away from the big bad world again to get some head space) and it doesn’t matter as much. I’ve physically removed myself from the situation. Her loss. I’m awesome.

Just landed today, checked into my fave hostel (Bed Addict) and having breakfast at my fave cafe (The Larder).

…at least the Larder girls were happy to see me back and even remembered my coffee πŸ™‚

The words are flowing nicely so standby as life unfolds and moves forward again at least for the next month or so, and loose plans are forming as to my travels from here…

I’ll keep you posted.

**if u do read this, HA ! Just kidding. πŸ™‚

…lucky?

So I’m back again. Regional Australia, Western NSW. Dubbo. The temperature is over 32 degrees, the air is still and the outback sun is blasting down under an endless blue sky. The sudden jump in temperature from my previous home is hard to take. Antarctic-induced pale skin is starting to burn red and I’m still wearing the same clothes that I have for the past 6 months.

With 8 hours in suspended animation on Tuesday (as I flew from Hobart to Sydney to Dubbo,) Ive been dreading coming back here. It’s like picking at an open emotional wound; scratching at the bloody crust and sticking your fingers deep inside the cut.

Every time I come back there is that awful cold splash of reality and raw-nerve memory that seems to erase whatever healing has come before – undoes it all in an instant and drags me into past traumas.

Screen Shot 2018-03-30 at 15.05.32

*You’re welcome…Β  πŸ˜‰

This particular homecoming has been very different in that I’m adulting it for a change (instead of burying my head in the sand or running, which are my usual methods of dealing).

The familiar landmarks, places and faces here still cause twinges of guilt/sadness/grief but this time they’re barely discernible. Definitely still there but nowhere near as strong and they seem to pass quickly.

Perhaps finally I’m moving on; past the breakup that caused me so much grief 2 years ago and sent me spinning off blindly into the world (2 years! ffks); coming to uncertain terms with my parents passing; accepting my own newly-realised mortality and then serendipitously finding a new direction in a life that I’d felt was rapidly going down the toilet.

It’s taken these first two traumatic events to give me momentum enough to pull my head out of my arse – do something other than wallow in numbing grief and paralysing self pity. Blindly running for the past 2 years, its time to start adulting.

Move forward and take risks. Travel. Live. Love. Endure.

Heady stuff.

Maybe I’m finally healing; it’s emotional growth and my internal work is finally paying off.

Meh.

Maybe I just need coffee.

Good Friday today : luckily my sisters bakery cafe is open and I make the 3km walk down to mitigate my caffeine (lack of) /red wine (excess of) induced headache.

MMMM long black and a ham salad baguette…topped off with a panadol.

Perfect.

Everyone I’ve seen here in the past 2 days have been so nice and welcoming, excited by my experiences and almost everyone has commented how lucky they think I am to have these opportunities.

I disagree.

Sorry folks but it’s not luck.

I do feel very fortunate for sure, but lucky? I’ve worked hard all my life to get the qualifications and experience to let me do what I do. Luck has never come into it; there is no mysterious benefactor handing our favors to me, I don’t gamble and I try to embrace whatever opportunity arises.

This is key I think – to stay hungry (cliched but appropriate) and remain open to opportunity – especially be ready to move fast when it finally appears.

Learning from past mistakes is a no-brainer, but it’s really hard to consciously break those unconscious patterns that hold you back…it’s hard, but not impossible once you recognise them.

So what’s helped me the most?

Yoga (yes really!), meditation (essential) and the yoga studies (fascinating) I’ve been doing: plus the support of Yoga buddies (love u guys) – they’ve all unlocked the means to allow me to grow and have really changed my life.

I’ve got a handle on these pattern fuckers and their time is up.

Anyhoo… Its been super nice of my sister to let me stay for a few weeks until I get sorted out hereΒ  – homeless at the moment until I decide whats next – but again only want to be here for the MINIMUM amount of time possible.

So my plans this time out? Not to make a plan. My strategies of Plans A,B,C to ad nauseum have actually held me back and in hindsight have made me more inflexible.

I have some practical tasks to achieve first; a week long IT Cabling course in Canberra, renew my St Johns First Aid (another 2 day course), and get my old rental house and passport sorted.

Then that’s it. I’m outta here. For good.

πŸ™‚

**Oh and I’ve met someone. In Tasmania of all places. Early days yet but we shall see what happens. More on that as events arise – for better or worse it’ll make for some interesting stories.

…roundtripper

This will be a blomit and I’ll fix it later.

Read at own risk as this is a brain dump from the past 2 weeks at sea during the Macquarie Island resupply (v4)

Well this trip is certainly a very different journey so far … what is this ‘work’ thing that I’m expected to do?

Ha πŸ™‚

The last 4 weeks ( v1 and v3) on the Aurora Australis were as an Expeditioner – so my actual job started when I got to the research station and my days on the ship were filled with endless free time.

This short trip so far ?

Flat out. So busy! 12 hours days (7am-7pm) so far and so much to learn. I expected as much and I’m loving it.

We had dolphins again escort us out of Hobart, and I barely got up into the fresh air ( 4 hours after leaving) before the ship did an handbrake turn and headed back towards Hobart. There had been a critical piece of scientific equipment left on the docks, and it couldn’t be left behind. It would be loaded on a fast boat 🚀 and we would steam back to meet the boat somewhere off Hobart.

An almost 8 hour exercise in backtracking. The unexpected bonus being we all got cell service ( and Internet) back on the ship – so some frantic last minute app updating and software download occurred.

Was actually a lucky πŸ€ break that we turned back as it proved useful to solve many IT issues that would not have been resolved otherwise ( no internet on the ship, you see)

So we rinse and repeated – did a ship to ship transfer of the kit, rechecked the manifests, and turned once again towards Macquarie Island. The dolphins rested us a little less enthusiastically this time, but we were finally on our way.

The ocean was like a barely stirring millpond – barely a swell nor roll to be felt onboard, and the night brought overcast skies and a promising sunset.

Saturday was a long day – 12 hours of drills, briefings, and IT problem solving. It vanished in a haze of weariness by 7pm, and I decided to put on an Oscars themed movie night for this voyage in the cinema onboard – all the top nominated pics from this year’s Oscars. (yes I got fast internet in Hobart and abused it completely)

Let’s see how the movie night goes over the next few weeks… tonight I’m starting with The Shape Of Water , which is my new favourite film for several reasons, only one of which is related to the film.

It’s Sunday now, and the seas have decided to challenge us as we approach Macquarie Island, only 24 hours away.

The Southern Ocean is not happy to be woken so early on a Sunday and I’m not thrilled about it either.

Monstrous grey waves 🌊 angrily pound and crash across our portholes; wind-whipped white capped 6 metre waves , driven mercilessly by a 35 knot wind, have finally started to make this trip interesting and the bulk of the passengers are hiding in their cabins (seasick or watching movies on their laptops)

All my morning tasks are complete and I’ve just flicked in our vhf repeater in preparation for the boating operation tomorrow.

Let’s see what today brings πŸ™‚

… more of the same.

Fleet broadband communication issues outgoing from the ship to station was a headache as was getting support out of Kingston ( being a weekend and a public holiday, key support personnel were uncontactable – which always sucks). Best efforts were made but issues and workarounds are the order of the day here so we did the best we could.

The seas are calming also, which is a good sign for the operations ahead.

So now it’s Monday, and the Groundhog Day feeling was just starting to kick in again as a shadowy cloud front on the horizon slowly revealed itself to be Macquarie Island.

The upper bridge was packed as word spread around the ship : we were here.

For the incoming Winterers, this was to be their new home for 6 to 12 months. For the roundtripper, this was where the next 10 days would be spent frantically trying to complete projects and objectives before the weather turned it they ran out of time.

Science and logistics in competition with the plant and its elements in a race against the clock.

Today, Team Science is a clear winner, as the waves calm and the winds drop.

Boating operations with the IRBs ( zodiacs) and the LARCs ( repurposed military DUCKS) commenced and the passengers and equipments started to flow.

King penguin flocks (?) escort the IRBs to and from the ship, their curiosity drawing them closer and closer. More and more animals are visible in the beach but we are just a little too far away to see clearly what they are.

I’m on Bunker Door duty today – a special door usually reserved for pilot transfer in the side of the ship – the three of us being team leads for the next 10 days. Day 1 we are learning the ropes – literally.

It’s a great gig – and we are close (15 feet or so) to the waterline. We will be controlling the passengers and their baggage on and off the ship – passenger processing basically : biosecurity checks and boot baths, PPE and life jacket checks, carry on luggage transfer and of course, helping people climb up and down the long swaying rope and timber ladder slung out over the side of the ship – the only was passengers can get in or off the ship here.

It’s fun to do something different and not IT related. Plus am getting some great photos from this perspective.

Tonight I’m putting on Blade Runner 2049 in the theatre here – continuing the Oscars 2018 theme πŸ˜‰

Tuesday and our Phone issues seem to have finally been sorted out by head office. Having a long weekend back home makes support difficult and frustrating but luckily there are some talented people that know what they are doing.

The ship is deserted as most of the expedition era are leaving this morning to commence their operations on the island.

I have a shirt 3 hour shift in bunker door today, and then am helping out where I can. I have to stay on the ship – Comms Officer and all that – in case they have to haul ass outta here.

Hopefully when the returning Comms guy get on board later in the week I’ll get a chance to go ashore.

**also met Emily coming out of Macca – a friend of Ashley’s (my old housemate) and Kim (summering Bio at Davis with me). It’s a small world indeed.

A little extra duty today as I’ve been tapped in the shoulder to assist the DVL with cargo and manifest duties in deck – helping with the logistics of moving hundreds of pallets/cages of equipment off the ship and into station. We are boating everything across using the ducks ( LARCs) and IRB for passenger tender. It’s certainly a change of pace for me and it’s great to be up on deck where the action is πŸ™‚

I’m a little ill today I think… tired and flat. There’s been a virus getting around on board and I think I’m coming down with something. It’s always seems to happen with an influx of new expeditioners. Some bug ran rampant – an early night for me I think πŸ™‚

Tonight’s movie is Lady Bird.

Wednesday : this place looks like the Island from Jurassic Park. I’m not convinced that there aren’t dinosaurs there. It looks…cinematic.

We circle the island at night and come up close to the station during the day, waiting for the weather window to start ops.

Waiting, waiting, waiting…

The winds have come up and although the oceans are smooth, SOPs won’t allow boating operations until the winds drop below a certain speed. The remaining 15 or so personnel waiting to go ashore are in hourly standby but at this stage it look that best case we’ll get refuelling some but that’s it.

Looking for work onboard today – digging in corners for things to fix so I don’t have to update documentation (ugh). Save that for the trip back.

So tired today I just want to sleep.

Lates, my peeps.

Tonight’s movie is I, Tonya.

Thursday now, and the last of the day trippers have gone ashore. There are three expeditioners left on the ship and it’s eerily quiet.

I’m stuck on board and today is the first day I’ve been bored. There’s nothing to help out with and no tasking from the Div. I might help out in the kitchen.

The island is a 15 minute swim away 😦 but the weather changes every 5 minutes from sun to rain to sleet to snow and then back again

Monday 19th – has it really only been a week???

Feels like an eternity now.

There’s only three of us that haven’t gone ashore yet, and it looks like we won’t. The weather is our enemy here and every window of opportunity is focused on cargo and projects.

Since Friday we have done nothing by dodge the weather and stooge up and down the coast, hiding from the swell, swooping in to anchor quickly to put whatever we could ashore whenever we can.

We may we’ll be late back to Hobart but at this stage it’s all a big ? – completely dependent on the wind, waves and swell. The uncertainty is fucking annoying to be honest – you can’t plan anything and have to be prepared at a moments notice to move.

For the past week or so I’ve been team lead on our bunker door team – basically passenger control and quarantine for peeps getting on or off the ship – and that’s been fun. Hanging out a door in the side of the ship helping people up and down the ladder only a few metres above the water gives you a new perspective on the ocean and the island . **I cracked the viewfinder glass on my good camera (grrr) on some dangling metal fitting on the harness we have to wear. Hope it’s a cheap replacement :/

Finally saw The Last Jedi – Sunday night movie 🍿 here and what a beautifully shot piece of shit that was. Such a stupid movie with stupid characters making stupid decisions and stupid speeches. And the stupid attempts at comedy. And Frozen Space Leia. And that whole stupid lame casino caper fucktarded thing. And Porgs. And mincing villains with Family Guy- type humour. And Phasmas big moment. AAARGH FFKS. My God, Disney are killing Star Wars already. So disappointed 😒… ut it was absolutely beautifully shot and designed though…kudos for that but the whole story was a b grade stinker.

Monday 19th and nothing has changed. We are advised to bunker down and burn the day. Great. Movies, read my books and the odd IT job to do. Yawn. Another 12 hour shift on call.

Tuesday 20th and we’re still here.

No cargo ops today although they are going to try after lunch. The weather is improving as is the ocean conditions – still a day and a half of cargo ops that they need to do so it looks like we are staying out til it’s done…

I’ve started a midday movie and afternoon tv session in the theatre and as boredom kicks in on board, I’m getting quite a few people in πŸ™‚

Today it’s a 12.30pm matinee of “The Shape of Water” , then at 3pm my “Stranger Things” marathon finally starts πŸ™‚ … tonight it’s “Bone Tomahawk” at 7.30 for some Western action.

Tomorrow is another ” maybe you can go ashore depending on the weather” day but I’m not holding my breath. It’d be nice to get into the island for a while and explore but my world won’t end if I don’t . I’m getting a bit sick of being on the ship to be honest – it has been almost a month at sea now if you don’t count the 3 days alongside between voyages – cooped up inside isn’t a lot of fun.

Im running out of things to do so to stay productive I’m starting on documentation.

DOCUMENTATION!!!

That’s how bored it’s getting now it’s not that busy. I keep asking myself (and everyone else in my chain of command) “is there anything I should be doing that I’m not?”. The answer seems to be “as long as you keep the punters happy”.

So far so good.

This post is too long and boring

To be continued.

…dΓ©jΓ -vu

So it’s 6.45am Friday and I’m just about to catch a ride down to the wharf.

Leaving again after only a few days in Hobart, on board the big orange icebreaker that is the Aurora Australis and heading down to Macquarie Island – the Galapagos of the South ( google it)

I’m very excited.

πŸ™‚

Trimmed Down my bags to a backpack and a single soft side duffel – getting really good at this minimisation thing…comes in handy when you become a gypsy.

Looks like this is my new jam now so I’d better get used to it.

Upgraded my camera lens to a 40-150 Pro so I’m hoping to see a shit ton more penguins, seals, birdlife and whales – even Orca if I’m lucky.

If you think I’m prone to hyperbole now, just prepare for it if I get to see Orca again. Remember last time?

Anyway I’ll keep a running blog on the journey but it’s possible I’ll only have Internet for another few hours, then maybe not for a few days at least as we journey to Macquarie Island.

Stay tuned…

πŸ™‚

Whodathunk

Tuesday.

I’m just back at the Winston for dinner ( Beer and burger) before hitting the cinemas again to see Black Panther – the late show.

They do brew a damn fine pint.

( oh and weapon of choice tonight again is the Winston burger REMIX: sheer genius for you burger connoisseurs out there. This is basically a bacon double cheeseburger served in a Cinnebon but add fries and a horseradish/wasabi sauce …. mmmmmm kill me now I die happy)

… skip to 9.30pm – Beer and burger buzz installed successfully. Just waiting for the film to start and I’m the only one here.

πŸ™‚ perfect.

Hey let’s chat!

So what’s new?

Im glad you asked!

…after a relatively breezy Monday of debriefs and goodbyes, I thought that all this talk of readjustment issues on return from Antarctica was a load of bunk.

It’s only been 4 months!

What could possibly change!

Well! Let me tell you …

I now have super powers ( at least temporarily)

Whodathunknit!

1. Super Hearing – In the 10 story apartment block I’m in, I can hear a constant hum of conversation all the time – like hundreds of voices gibbering in my head – except they are not in my head ( God at least I hope not – can you hear them, Frank?).

I had to leave a cafe today as there was a group of people talking extremely loudly and it was massively unsettling.

2. Super smell – the vehicle exhausts, petrochemicals and even cigarette smells are driving me crazy.

3. Super Chatty (shut up, you) – I can’t stop talking to strangers. My shopping rounds today took all day as I bloody well introduced myself to people in shops, randoms in cinemas, and many cafe people and had a damn good chat.

4. Super Confidence – I’m 10 foot high and bulletproof at the moment.

5. Super tired – not sleeping at all (See 1.)

6. Super restless – I can’t stop moving. 20km walking around town yesterday, 10km today so far. Crazy! (See 7.)

7. Super Caffeination – I can’t get enough good β˜•οΈ. Yum.

8. Super Preparedness – all packed and ready to go to Macquarie Island.

9. Super Luckiness – to have worked with so many awesome people.

10. Super gratefulness – to be handed these opportunities and have the life I have.

Not a bad top 10 of super powers, I reckon.

So I have powers now, and as with great power comes great responsibility, I promise to use them for good and not evil purposes.

(Unless it’s all because of the caffeine, in which case it’s every person for themselves)

Sorry World but I’m fairly certain it’s less Antarctica and more the caffeine… mwahahaaa

Now all I have to do is get on the ship Friday morning and not fuck it all up for the next few weeks.

Totally and honestly, I’m loving life at the moment.

*chatted to my lovely and intelligent daughter Isabel today ( she’s the coolest, smartest, most quick witted chick I know – giving me shit for an inaccurate Bitmoji )

**bought a syndicate entry in the 30 million $ lotto tonight – if you don’t hear from me again, I’ve won.

***there’s a new Jack Reacher novel out!!!!

****AND I saw The Shape Of Water finally – so beautifully moving moving, original and a wonderful film – I’ve fallen in love with cinema all over again – thank you Guillermo πŸ™πŸ»

Happy days!!!!

πŸ™‚